The Big Bang

05 Dec 2008 

And now, as part of Radio Four's ˜Big Turn-on Day', we go over live to our reporter somewhere deep beneath Soho - John?

Hello, Sally, and welcome to the 'LHC', or the 'Large Hard-On Collider' deep beneath Soho - in fact this massive underground chamber spans the Soho-West End border. Soon in this room, researchers will bring a male sex worker and an anti-male (or 'female') together with tremendous energy.

What do you expect to see, John?

As much as possible, Sally. Possibly the ˜Jigs with Clothes On'

John - some outsiders have questioned the huge expense of this project?

Indeed, Sally. It cost me £100 just to get in.


There have also been some concerns expressed about the safety of this event. Many have suggested that ˜the Earth may move'. What are you hearing from the experts there, John?

Well, Sally, many of the experts I have spoken to here - especially female workers - have quite frankly laughed at that idea. They say any event will dissipate almost immediately - probably with a sound described as 'rather like snoring'.

Just before we leave you, John, can you set the scene? What's the feeling in the room just now?

Sally - there are a lot of people getting quite excited down here, I can tell you! Myself included, actually.

John - thank you for that report. We'll try to get back to you for a minute - after Woman's Hour...

I... I  love you Sally!

Bye, John.